


The Grievance of Lost Souls.

by Exorciststuck



Category: Homestuck
Genre: I've fallen over my DaveJohn feels and I can't get up, M/M, Sadstuck, Sorta I guess, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-28
Updated: 2012-05-28
Packaged: 2017-11-06 04:22:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/414651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Exorciststuck/pseuds/Exorciststuck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John had a lot of time to think on that golden ship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Grievance of Lost Souls.

It was going to be a long three years on that golden ship, flying through the air at high speeds John didn’t quite understand, even with Jade’s explanation. On that ship there was a lot of time to spend thinking of things The Game hadn’t left him time to think of, leaving him with three years on his hands to distract himself, or to dwell on mistakes he had made, and the things he had lost.

  


John had stopped counting how many times he thought of his father, dead and covered in that red metallic substance, the smell of iron and death heavy in the air. He hadn’t cried when it happened, he didn’t have the time. Jack Noir was there, and he had to fight, or die trying, protecting the ones still left.

  


Now though, he had time to grieve on the lost life of his loving father, to think of all the pranks and tricks he had played on his father, and all the great movies they had watched together, he thought of the heavy feeling in his heart when he saw that same father lying in a pool of his own blood, still proud of his son and said sons accomplishments, even in death.

  


The tears wouldn’t spill out of John though, his emotions bottled up neatly and shelved somewhere deep in his brain. Desperate for the release he tried dwelling on the worst things that had ever happened, feeling tears pricking at the edge of his vision, before something distracted him. Maybe food was ready, or he really needed to go piss. Whatever it was, the windy-god would wipe his still-dry eyes and put that excited smile back on his face, hiding his emotions from the other inhabitants of the ship.

  


This kept going until something changed, his train of thought slipping away from the death of his only family member. This time he imagined who he would grieve with. 

  


Maybe Rose, wouldn’t that make Karkat happy? He could see her talking to him, telling him to let it out, encouraging the expression of sadness, guilt, anger, hurt, whatever else had pushed itself down while he played The Game. After he felt better she would dry his eyes and hug him, before sitting with him while they both engaged in their respective hobbies. But she was on a meteor who-knows-how-many-miles-away.

  


He could ask Jade, whisper to her during a movie and explain what was happening, why he disappeared for hours at a time to be by himself. She wouldn’t understand his pain, not really; her grandfather had died years ago, and she had already grieved as well as a young child could. She would still comfort him though, hold him in a loose hug and stroke his hair, murmuring “it’s okay,” and “it’ll all be over soon John,” to him until he had calmed. Then she would pull him into a tight hug and they would continue as they always had.

  


He never considered Dave though, never thought of just asking his best friend to sit and feel with him. It’s not that he was scared to show emotion around the poker-faced boy, or that he thought his best friend lacked emotion, he just always thought Dave was someone who would want to be alone to sort out his feelings. That’s why it was a little shocking to find himself being hugged to an orange-feathery Dave, clinging to each other as tears fell freely. They kissed breaths into the other's mouth and stroked the other’s face and hair to keep their hands busy. Depressed, airless peeps peppered the air between the deep sobs wracking both their bodies. John finally wept for his father, the man who filled his house with harlequins because he thought John loved them, the man who had never stopped baking cakes, even when he had, and when he ran out of tears for his father he cried about the friends he wouldn’t see for years.

  


He cried about missing Rose, intelligent and beautiful, with an almost angelic grace and fluidity to her every movement. He cried about the trolls, ones who had died, and the ones who had lived. Ones he had never even talked to before still earned his tears. He cried for Dave the most. A dry sob filled the air when he thought of his best friend on that meteor without him. This Dave here wasn’t his, not really, this Dave didn’t want him, he had his own John that he wept for, his own John that he had already lost.

  


That night two teenage boys who had nothing but each other, not quite the one they wanted, but close enough to work, held tight and tried to kiss away the other’s tears as they flew through the air on a golden ship, moving at high speeds neither quite understood.

**Author's Note:**

> Suddenly sadstuck. I didn't sleep tonight and this is unbeta'd so any obvious spelling/grammar/canon mistakes are my fault 100% okay yeah.  
> Also my first fic because I don't really write! Yeah, okay.


End file.
